So I was a little stumped as to what I should write about today. I was sitting here watching Guiding Light and it came to me: Soap Operas! They have their very own set of rules! Here are some of my observations:

1. No one really dies
The most obvious thing on the soap is this: no one is ever really dead. Fall off a cliff, wreck the car, fiery plane crash? No problem! The worst that can happen is amnesia! These people are like zombies! You can’t kill them! You know, even if you decapitated someone with a chainsaw I bet they would have some amazing “head transplant surgery” (works for monkeys) and bounce back better than ever!

2. You are never too old for babies
Menopause does not exist in the soap opera world. You may have 15 kids and 14 grandchildren but when you fall in love with Mr. Right #23, baby it’s time for a new family! Now, they may not have them naturally, but with invitro, surrogates and adoption out there, the babies just don’t stop!

3. Keeping it in the family is A-okay!
In the real world this kind of thing is not only disgusting, in some states it’s illegal! But in the soaps, it is perfectly acceptable! Sure he’s your uncle AND great grandpa, but when love strikes, you can’t deny it! How come none of the children resulting from these unions are deformed? Now that’s a plot line!!

4. Very few people work
With the exception of the wealthy business man and an occasional cop or doctor, no one has a job! All they do is hang out at the local coffee shop, shop, have diner parties and of course, make children and get married. How do they live? You don’t ever see them sleeping in a cardboard box, or having the power cut off! Someone tell me their secret!

5. You can recover from any disease, no matter how rare
From colds to cancer to demon possession, there is a miracle cure. I know this kind of works with #1 but their medical technology is amazing! There is always a donor, a medicine, a special plant, something. All I can think of here is Dr. Drake Ramoray (a.k.a. Joey Tribiani) and the “smell a fart acting”. Ahh, I miss Friends. And another thing, no one EVER has VD. How can people be that promiscuous and the entire town not be infected?

6. You don’t go to jail
Blackmail? No big deal. Murder? Piece of cake! You can not go to jail! Whether it’s a really great attorney or a hung jury, no need to worry about doing time! I think everyone in town has a criminal record, and hey, that’s ok!

7. Be careful, you may be related
You fall in love with someone only to find out it is your long lost brother! Oh the horrors! Well, fortunately for you, there is rule #3! But just in case you have any morals, you may want to get a DNA test before any serious relationship.

So what about you? What soaps do you watch and what rules have you found? I say we all move to Springfield/Genoa City and work at General Hospital!

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Ok folks, I put a great deal of thought into today’s post. I already said I needed an outlet to vent and this is one of those venting kind of posts. So here we go:

Katie’s Top 10 Pet Peeves:

10. Semi-truck drivers
Now I have nothing personal against the actual person driving the truck but I am convinced that once these people get inside one of those monster vehicles they become aggressive. I am constantly afraid they will run me over and no matter how fast I go, they always ride my bumper? What’s the deal with that?

9. Laundry
You know, I was actually surprised laundry had it’s very own number on the list but the more I thought about it, the more it became clear: I hate doing the laundry. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I wash, it still catches up to me. I leave the house for a day, more laundry, someone gets sick, more laundry. No escape. Laundry, I hate you.

8. Not returning phone calls/messages
This one really gets me. You call someone, maybe it’s not important, and maybe it is. You leave a message; wait for a call back – nothing. This is infuriating! Why in this age of technology, where people carry their phones, computers, PDA’s and every other type of contact with them, can no one return a call! I mean, why even have a cell phone if you don’t plan to answer it?

7. Poor hygiene
This is just gross. Let me give you an example. We went to Ruby Falls, a cave system in Chattanooga, TN, one Memorial Day weekend. We are underground with a large group of people on a tour of this place, and the two guys in front of us have the worst BO I have ever smelled. I think I dry heaved a few times! The worst part is, we were stuck behind them the ENTIRE tour! All I kept thinking was, “Please Lord, don’t let us get stuck down here with these hurl inducing men!” People, soap is not that expensive and it does not take that long to shower. If you go out in public, check your BO!

6. Stupidity
I guess this one can encompass many things. Mainly it is ignorant people that make no effort to improve their situation. I see these people all the time that can not speak proper English, that obsess over things that won’t improve their lives and live in filth and just don’t care! Like I tell my kids: “The more you know, the easier life will be for you.” I believe this to the very soul of my being. Being ignorant will not help you in life! Just pick up a book, turn on the news, use less profanity, and get some manners. It’s not that hard! (Note: use spell check so as not to appear ignorant)

5. Slobs
No, this is not a repeat of #7. By slobs, I mean the kinds that leave their dirty underwear on the floor BY the hamper. The ones that leave the dinner table and do not pick up their plates or push in their chairs. The ones that do not empty the trash until it is overflowing onto the floor. Those kinds of slobs. You know who you are.

4. Snobs
No, it was not intentional for #’s 4 and 5 to rhyme, but there you go. Snobs. The people that sit so high and mighty, looking down upon the little people thinking they are too smart, pretty, classy, etc. to associate with them. For you snobs, I have one question: Who do you think you are? If you stepped back and took a long, hard look at yourselves, you might not like what you see. Come down to the real world, you might enjoy it.

3. Bad manners
This had to be in the top 3! Have you ever eaten with someone that opens their mouth when they chew? Sick! How about belching or passing gas at the table? Beyond table manners, people that are rude to others. Thank you, a please here and there, maybe even a yes ma’am or no sir? How about not flipping someone off in traffic? Just let it go! The world would be a much nicer place if we all used a little common courtesy!

2. Laziness
People that have no drive, that just will not take care of themselves and/or their families. I have little respect for them. My view on work ethic is this: Do the best you can with what you have. Whether you are an executive or flip burgers, work hard and do your best. You would be surprised how much it pays off! In addition, if I get attitude from the people at Hardees one more time, I might come through the window and slap them! (Note: Go back and read #3)

1. Telling me what to do
If I am totally stuck or confused, I welcome a little constructive criticism. If you are doing it out of concern for my well being, I appreciate it. However, if you just decide to just boss me around or criticize my choices for no good reason, prepare to fight. I am not an idiot, I believe to each his own, so you worry about you and I will worry about me and mine. Do not stick you nose in my business and I will give you the same courtesy. If you want to tick me off or lose my friendship, get on my case about something, or tell me what to do.

Ok, I’m feeling a little better. As I’m typing this, I keep thinking of other things to ad to the list, but we will save those for another day. I know you beautiful people out there have some things that get under your skin, speak up! Tell me what bugs you!

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Let me just say that before all the birthday sadness began there was my best friend, Annie and Friday night. It started out innocently enough with dinner at On the Border in Greenville. Dinner was great and we swore we would have one drink and sit quietly. Any of you that know me also know that I don’t do that. So anyways, we head downtown. Sitting quietly at a table and all of the sudden have the idea, “Hey, let’s do a shot!” Well my friends, it went downhill from there.

We then meet up with Brian and his friends at Wild Wings (And if you don’t know who these people are you will soon). We decide to grab a glass of wine at the bar, only to meet Kawan. Kawan looks like Vin Diesel only better looking, and he offers to buy me a martini. Yay for Kawan! We go chitchat, dance, and head back towards the bar. Annie sees this guy smiling from ear to ear and says, “Are you laughing at me?” Yep, that’s Annie, always ready to instigate a fight with a guy. In her defense I think it’s a great flirting technique so bravo! Anyways, we say, “Wow, you look just like the guy from Evan Almighty, [IMDb]” (aka Steve Carell). The guy says, “I hear that all the time, actually I’m Akim Anastopoulo”. I smile and nod politely but Annie goes, “Oh my gosh, Extreme Akim!” I still smile. She goes on to tell me that he’s a judge on this show “Eye for an Eye” and he uses a baseball bat instead of a gavel. Pretty awesome, right? Well, we talk to Akim a while and it comes up that we are out for my birthday. He gets all excited and says, “It’s your birthday? Let me buy you a drink!” We start jumping up and down and decide let’s be festive and do a chocolate cake shot! Akim hands us his BLACK American Express card and says, “Buy everyone a shot!” So, we end up purchasing about 15 shots and another glass of white Zin that I wanted. I hand out shots to everyone (only after Akim tells me to), even taking one back to Brian who asks, “What is this and where did it come from?” I say “Akim Anastopoulo”. Yep, my celebrity friends are buying drinks.

After we left Wild Wing’s and Akim, Annie and I decide to start asking people if they know whom he is. Annie even breaks out her camera phone as if she’s recording people while I interview them. Keep in mind it’s about 1 a.m. and I’m walking down the street saying, “Excuse me! Do you know Akim Anastopoulo and do you know what a black American Express is?” Ok, so I was probably more impressed with the credit card than the man, but seriously, I hear that those cards have no limit and are like carte blanche! Surprisingly enough, not that many people know Akim, (except one woman who swears she went to the prom with him). Anyways, that was my brush with fame. So I ask you this: Do you know Akim and what does the black American Express mean to you??

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Well folks, it’s that time of year. Today I turned 27 years old. Yep 27 cold, grey steps towards the grave. You know, the box? Now I’m not that kind that expects some big surprise party with lots of presents and a big cake and all that jazz, but a little thought might be nice! The fam and I decided to visit The Melting Pot in Greenville, SC. Awesome place, great fondue, lots of fun. We decided to leave the littl’ns with my parents, (who happen to live across the street conveniently enough!). Thing is, my Dad is pretty old school with food. If it isn’t steak and potatoes, he doesn’t eat it, and therefore has never gone for the fondue experience. So we take the older 2 (ages 7 and 5) and have a leisurely meal complete with “flaming turtle” chocolate for dessert. I call on the way home to check in only to have my derriere chewed for taking 3 hours at dinner! My birthday dinner. I think the last time I went out to an adult style restaurant that didn’t hand out crayons with the menus was six months or more ago! Needless to say I cried all the way home. We picked up the kids and made the long trek across the street.

Last night, Sunday, we were supposed to have a cook out for my and my brother’s birthday’s at my parents. Yep, the same one that yelled at me and made me cry AND wasn’t even speaking to me. So I go to keep the peace. Dad says nothing, Mom (Step-mom but just as good as the real thing) just smiles and gathers food. Brother and Sister in Law come with nephew. Dad, Mom, Bro, Sis in Law, all go outside to chit chat. Not invited. Dad comes in and says to me, “Why don’t you go ahead and warm up those hot dog buns, and umm, go ahead and cut some lettuce for the burgers?” Uh huh, that’s right, I am helping make my own birthday meal. They bring in burgers and dogs and I start crying. I go out to the front porch to regroup from the vapors and the only person that comes to check on me is my sister in law (God bless her). I compose myself, eat burger, go home. Very sad.

Today is the actual day of my birth. I always get the birthday call from my Mom and Dad. Mom calls, I cry, tell her what a turd Dad is being. She understands, I mean they have been divorced for 15 years right? Dad calls, I don’t answer. What is there to say?? “Oh hi Dad! Yeah, thanks for the burger with a side of tears, that was a blast!!! Yep, love you too! Bye.” Nope, not my style. Dad calls again, and again – no answer. Doorbell rings, flowers from S-Mom. I can only imagine sis has said something, (again, God bless her). Still can’t talk to Dad. Maybe I’m being a spoiled, hyper-sensitive, immature little jerk, but I don’t think so. I’m sure I’ll get over it in a few days, but until then, I’m gonna pout. I’m going to sulk and cry and probably say life isn’t fair. That’s just me. What do you think??

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So I need an outlet to vent. A place to clear my head and just get some things off my chest, and you, my lucky blog reading audience, are the recipients of my frustrations. Yes, this blog is about everything that makes me, Katie Carson, who I am. I’m at 27 year old stay at home Mom. Here’s the thing, I’m not your average soccer Mom. I like to keep up with the outside world- fashion, entertainment, news, technology and the occasional party night out.

Why should you spend your precious, internet surfing time with me and my blog? Simple. I’m funny, and believe it or not, staying home with 4 kids is infuriating, stressful, rewarding and at times hilarious. So I encourage you, hang with me, read on and enjoy, I promise I’ll keep you amused.

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