Last night my husband and I were watching an episode of “Friends.” It was the one where Rachel gives birth to Emma. She was in labor for 21 hours and when she finally delivers her, Emma was breach. Obviously, not one of these writers is a woman that has been through childbirth. Here are a few of their errors:

1. Making jokes and laughing during hard labor: Having suffered through painful contractions for hours on end, Rachel is joking, calm, and silly. Now, unless she had massive amount of drugs, the last thing you would be doing at this point is giggling. Most likely you would be trying to claw your husbands eyes out for saying something like “Hang in there honey, you’re doing a great job!” or trying to wrap the fetal monitor cord around the nurse with the enormous “man hands” that has to check and see if you’re dilated enough. Trust me, I had a baby the “natural” way, it isn’t fun.

2. Sharing a room with another expectant Mom: I’ve been in a few hospitals. Ours here in SC is a beautiful, well staffed, friendly atmosphere. You have a private room, decorated to feel like home, where you stay for the duration of your labor and delivery. The hospital in KY where Deacon was born was not as nice. They had a delivery room and a hospital room: neither of which were very comforting. Not to mention, they decided they didn’t like his temperature and kept him away from me for hours in a nursery. I could have told them he was cold! It was freezing in our room and he had not eaten yet! Anyways, I don’t know what archaic medical center Rachael went to but if I had been asked to share a room with another woman, someone would have died. Let’s just say, you are not at your prettiest or most composed during labor and the last thing you want is someone who feels equally terrible watching. Not a chance.

3. Babies are clean, pretty and completely “filled out” as soon as they are born: This is common in movies and TV shows alike. Every baby they show is beautiful, fat and smiling. Now, I thought my children were the most gorgeous little angels I had ever laid eyes upon when they were born. I doubt other people thought so. Be honest, they are covered in goo, screaming, scrawny, reddish-purple and kinda pitiful at first. I know they can’t get a real newborn, but come on! No wonder women cry when they first see their child: they thought they’d be picture perfect!

I’m sure there were a slew of other inaccuracies in the episode, but those are just a few off the top of my head. I know it is supposed to be funny on the show but at least try to keep it real! Does anyone else out there have a childbirth “horror story?”

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I saw a public service announcement last night for childhood obesity with Mariska Hargitay. I agree that this is a problem and should be addressed, but do we really think celebrities are the best people to be discussing this? I mean, what Hollywood starlet hasn’t barfed up a lunch or 12, or gone a couple days without food so they can fit into that Oscar dress? I don’t know Mariska personally, she may be very healthy and unlike the other folks in Hollywood. I just find this ironic. I also know that her mother was the late, great, Jane Mansfield. I have a feeling her figure wasn’t just from healthy eating and good genes. Again, I could be wrong, it has happened before.

Kids today are getting fat. Sure, there have always been some that are “husky”, but let’s face it: our kids eat junk and they are going from chubby toddlers to tubby teens and into obese adults. Be honest, how hard is it for a chubby kid in school? They are teased unmercifully which can only lead to self-esteem issues later! On top of that, they pass on their bad eating habits to their children. I’m guilty of this myself: I grew up with cabinets full of junk food and a fridge flush with sodas. It is a hard cycle to break! I think I’m seriously addicted to caffeine to this day!

I think a bigger problem is the media’s take on weight. I know sitcoms and ads are starting to put the token “plus sized” person out there, but for the most part, actors and actresses are unhealthy and stick thin. You see them chain smoking, drinking, partying, and they look like they would snap if you hugged them too hard. How can we expect our girls to grow up happy with themselves when they think the only way to be beautiful is to starve themselves and have plastic surgery?

How do you handle self-image with your kids? I try to make sure my kids feel good about themselves and eat foods that nourish them. I want my girls to not wonder if their jeans “make them look fat” and that maybe they should skip dessert to fit into that bikini. What about you?

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Still, that’s not to suggest we’d want it any other way – Bruce Campbell may be consistent, but he’s consistently awesome. Campbell’s characters are compulsively watchable, thanks mainly to his ability to deliver one-liners with just the right amount of gusto, arrogance, and gravitas. — Filmwad

I came across an article entitled: “Actors Who Have Spent Their Entire Careers Playing the Same Character”, and to my surprise, one of my favorites had made the list: the hotness that is Bruce Campbell. Many of you may not recognize the name right away, but once I fill you in, you’ll know exactly who I’m talking about.

It is understood between my husband and I, that should Bruce Campbell ever come knocking on my door and say, “Let’s go,” I’m gone. So if you’re reading this Bruce, I’ll be glad to send my address and phone number, call me. Anyways, I remember when I was in high school watching the show “The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.“. I don’t remember what the heck it was about, cowboys maybe, but I remember Bruce gracing the screen. I had no idea who he was at the time, but I was intrigued.

Later when I was dating my husband, we went to a movie night at Clemson University. They were showing the Evil Dead trilogy. You’d think I’d be grossed out by the gore, but no, there was the adorable Bruce Campbell. We watched all 3 movies, and I was hooked. Bruce played “Ash Williams” (who amazingly enough, has his own Wikipedia page). Poor Ash, the sole survivor of soul-stealing monsters, had to cut his girlfriend up with a chainsaw. How could you not feel for him? The trilogy is great: a campy, somewhat gory (if you consider corn syrup based blood gory), set of films to watch when you have the time. I highly recommend them.

So the multi-talented Mr. Campbell writes a book: If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor. I had to read it. Even better yet, he was doing a book signing in Savannah, Georgia, mere hours from where I live! I talked my husband into going, and we made it a weekend trip. We hit the Barnes and Noble early, to stand behind tons of nerdy fans. Out comes Bruce, sharpie in hand, ready to sign and answer ridiculous questions. For example: “Mr. Campbell, in Evil Dead II you say, “How about a little hot chocolate?” but instead you drink water, why?” I had to admit, he had a great sense of humor with these people.

As we were standing in line, this employee comes around and asks, “What do you want Mr. Campbell to write in your book?”. I thought for a minute and it came to me: “To my favorite girlfriend, Katie”. Well folks, the rest is history. Bruce chuckled when he read it, he signed it, chatted and posed for several wonderful shots. I seriously considered hanging on his leg for a minute and saying, “Take me with you!”, but my husband was next in line. He just wanted a copy to sell on ebay, which Bruce signed, “Read like the wind”. (The extra copy is still on my bookcase, by the way, if you’d like to make an offer.) I read my copy, and laughed all the way through. If you are looking for a slightly jaded look at Hollywood, pick up a copy!

I guess I can say I can die a happy girl, having seen Bruce face to face. The only thing that could top it is for Mr. Campbell to read this post and comment on it himself. Then truly, my life would be complete.

“Spent his entire career playing the same character”? Maybe. All I know is, I love him, no matter what character he plays. Hats off to you, Bruce. You have my undying devotion.

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“Nicole Richie served 82 minutes of a four-day sentence for DUI on Thursday due to jail overcrowding, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.” (People)

I had to begin this post with a headline from People Magazine’s website. You may remember back in December that Miss Nicole Richie was arrested for driving her black Mercedes SUV the wrong way on an L.A. freeway. She was previously convicted of DUI in June 2003. She also admitted to being under the influence of drugs at the time of her December arrest. I have a few things to say here, so hold on to your butts.

First off, I always found Nicole Richie quite humorous on “The Simple Life”. I’m sure it was all an exaggerated act, but when she and Paris Hilton put “Anal salty wiener bugers all day” on the sign at Sonic, well it was pure comic genius. I mean, come on people, did you really expect two spoiled, pampered, rich girls to take a job at a fast food restaurant seriously?! I also feel some sympathy for Nicole right now because she is expecting a baby, and I can not imagine the thought of going to jail while pregnant. That must be terrifying. Well, terrifying if you don’t have someone else’s millions to bail you out! What did Nicole, or anyone else for that matter, learn from this experience? My guess is money talks. Very simply, if you have money, you can get away with anything. Yeah, you hear me OJ. What a terrible example for young girls that look up to celebrities. Can you imagine a bunch of Lindsay and Paris posers out there? How very sad.

Now on a more personal note: about 3 years ago, my good friend and I were coming home from a girl’s night out and were hit, head-on, by a drunk driver going the wrong way on the interstate. My friend was not intoxicated, and was able to react quickly enough to keep us alive, and for that I will always be grateful. I had a baby sleeping at home, one that may never have known her mother had I not survived. I had a two and four year-old that depended on me for everything. I think saying we were lucky is an understatement. The drunk driver hit five cars before he was stopped by a fire truck turned sideways on the interstate. He exited his car, extremely intoxicated and full of prescription drugs, walking on a broken hip and slurring excuses to the police. Thankfully, no one else was seriously injured: My husband and children picked me up a few hours later and my friend spent few days in the hospital for observation. I am reminded constantly that I may have never seen my children again. I wouldn’t have seen them grow up, heard them laugh, sent them off to college, and it makes me regret ever leaving the house. I went through a phase where I blamed myself: I shouldn’t have been out. Then I realize it wasn’t my fault. My friend and I took one night out to unwind. We are not party animals; we don’t go out, get plastered, and do drugs or anything crazy like that! It was the fault of the drunk driver. He was the one that did those things and then endangered our lives.

When it came time for him to go to court, you had better believe my friend and I were there to testify. I stood with her before the judge and told him that I had three beautiful children that almost lost their mother that night. I cried when I said I couldn’t imagine how their lives would have changed without me. In the end, I think the driver faced house arrest and heavy fines: not enough in my book for what he could have done to us, and all the others involved. Maybe I’m a little jaded, but pregnant or not, Nicole Richie got off way to easy. She could have hurt or killed someone and even Daddy’s money can’t erase that. I hope all parents take the time to tell their children how dangerous drinking and driving can be, and that these celebrities are in NO WAY role models for them. For goodness sake, find a positive, strong person to look up to, not someone that made their fortune selling sex tapes of themselves or leeching off their friend’s fame!

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Have you ever watched the Baby Einstein series? Those obnoxious videos with a toy on the screen while Bach plays or Shakespeare is recited? I can’t stand those things and especially creator, Julie Aigner-Clark. That condescending, soft voice of hers is enough to drive you crazy! Nevertheless, I bought into this fad, only to find out it may have done more harm than good:

A new study quoted by the LA Times says that the popular “Baby Einstein” videos don’t work—and may even stunt your child’s vocabulary.
From the LA Times: For every hour a day that babies 8 to 16 months old were shown such popular series as “Brainy Baby” or “Baby Einstein,” they knew six to eight fewer words than other children, the study found.

I purchased a slew of these videos when my eldest was a baby. I thought the classical music, foreign languages and stimulating colors would help jump start his development. Now I find out that it didn’t, and may have hurt his progress? Curse you Julie Aigner-Clark! Curse you and your homemade, baby mind-dulling tapes!

Parent alert: the Walt Disney Company is now offering refunds for all those “Baby Einstein” videos that did not make children into geniuses. New York Times

I have to say that my children are geniuses, and sure I’m being partial. Then again, I’ve seen them around other children their ages and they really do seem more advanced. I think one of the best things we did was severely limit television and read with them as often as possible. One of our favorites is Shel Silverstein’s, The Giving Tree. We read that one so often that my son knows it by heart. We also paint and make crafts regularly. I know, I know, we sound like the perfect family. Far from it, but interaction is very important to us.

Anyways, I guess it just goes to show that the classics always work and these new fads, along with that platinum haired devil, Aigner-Clark, just come and go. So what are your thoughts? What do you enjoy doing with your family?

News feeds about Baby Einstein
Newsweek: Turn It Off, Baby
theage.com.au: Parents tricked by Baby Einstein
Salon: “Baby Einstein” will turn your kid into anything but
Wired News: Baby Einstein Turns Kids Into Baby Homer Simpson

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Let me just say that before all the birthday sadness began there was my best friend, Annie and Friday night. It started out innocently enough with dinner at On the Border in Greenville. Dinner was great and we swore we would have one drink and sit quietly. Any of you that know me also know that I don’t do that. So anyways, we head downtown. Sitting quietly at a table and all of the sudden have the idea, “Hey, let’s do a shot!” Well my friends, it went downhill from there.

We then meet up with Brian and his friends at Wild Wings (And if you don’t know who these people are you will soon). We decide to grab a glass of wine at the bar, only to meet Kawan. Kawan looks like Vin Diesel only better looking, and he offers to buy me a martini. Yay for Kawan! We go chitchat, dance, and head back towards the bar. Annie sees this guy smiling from ear to ear and says, “Are you laughing at me?” Yep, that’s Annie, always ready to instigate a fight with a guy. In her defense I think it’s a great flirting technique so bravo! Anyways, we say, “Wow, you look just like the guy from Evan Almighty, [IMDb]” (aka Steve Carell). The guy says, “I hear that all the time, actually I’m Akim Anastopoulo”. I smile and nod politely but Annie goes, “Oh my gosh, Extreme Akim!” I still smile. She goes on to tell me that he’s a judge on this show “Eye for an Eye” and he uses a baseball bat instead of a gavel. Pretty awesome, right? Well, we talk to Akim a while and it comes up that we are out for my birthday. He gets all excited and says, “It’s your birthday? Let me buy you a drink!” We start jumping up and down and decide let’s be festive and do a chocolate cake shot! Akim hands us his BLACK American Express card and says, “Buy everyone a shot!” So, we end up purchasing about 15 shots and another glass of white Zin that I wanted. I hand out shots to everyone (only after Akim tells me to), even taking one back to Brian who asks, “What is this and where did it come from?” I say “Akim Anastopoulo”. Yep, my celebrity friends are buying drinks.

After we left Wild Wing’s and Akim, Annie and I decide to start asking people if they know whom he is. Annie even breaks out her camera phone as if she’s recording people while I interview them. Keep in mind it’s about 1 a.m. and I’m walking down the street saying, “Excuse me! Do you know Akim Anastopoulo and do you know what a black American Express is?” Ok, so I was probably more impressed with the credit card than the man, but seriously, I hear that those cards have no limit and are like carte blanche! Surprisingly enough, not that many people know Akim, (except one woman who swears she went to the prom with him). Anyways, that was my brush with fame. So I ask you this: Do you know Akim and what does the black American Express mean to you??

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